Wednesday, October 31, 2012

The Beginning

I started this blog as a personal diary. I wanted to write about how I feel. Part of me does just want attention, kind of pathetic, but I also do think it might feel liberating. For the last 14 years I have had a lot of problems with depression. I have never really been happy. Anxiety has been another large issue. I am very uncomfortable dealing with people. I have never really fit in and I am not comfortable with people. Overall my life is good. I am working my way toward a career that I love. Recently had a promotion, quit another job that I hated, have a family that is always supportive of me, have a degree, live on my own, and have friends who mean the world to me. Despite all of that I pretty much feel no joy or happiness. Nothing is really wrong but it still leaves me feeling empty. I have tried counselling, currently taking medication, nothing has helped. The worst thing is knowing that I have no reason to be depressed. It is an escalating problem. Every time something goes great I don't feel better and that just makes me more depressed. It seems like being miserable is just hardwired into me. Maybe I will continue to post, maybe I will just fail at posting again. We shall see.